There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
