omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
