I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
