Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I need to stop coming to work sober
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
