so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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