I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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