1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
