I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Fuck appropriateness.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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