I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
