so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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