Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
