so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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