we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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