I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
