i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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