I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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