What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
