I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
