It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
