Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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