i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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