so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize