Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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