Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She bit a glass in half.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
