Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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