You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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