I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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