this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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