it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
