U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
