i think i have herpe
just one?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
