Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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