the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
