My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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