She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
