Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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