We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
