some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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