WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
foreskin is a definite game changer
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
