Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
