Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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