Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
