idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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