i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
