Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
