How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
