I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
