woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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