you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
