i think i have herpe
just one?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
