Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
