I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Enjoy the penises
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
