the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
