Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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