Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
