i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
