you turned your livingroom into a bong?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
