I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
