If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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