I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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