So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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