so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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