The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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