Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
bring money and cleavage
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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